As I am writing this, I am nearly two weeks post a serious automobile accident. Two weeks ago, I was enjoying Thanksgiving with my family without a second thought of something life changing happening. The next day I was involved in a wreck that could've taken my life. I am grateful and blessed to be here writing this. I have wounds that may end up being life-long scars. I am dealing with anxiety due to insurance issues that are proving to be a real headache but I am here. I am still here. I don't have a car anymore and not sure when I will be able to get another one...but I am here. I still have my family and perhaps we are closer than we have been in a long time. I have been told countless times how lucky I am to be alive...but I simply do not and cannot believe in luck. My God sustained me.
I am a pastor who preaches to the people God has entrusted me with a message of hope and reliance on Him who can do much more than we could ever ask or think. I am finding out that it is easier to preach that when things are going well or during times that I am not facing a personal crisis. I confess that, although I am certainly grateful that He spared my life, I have had dark moments of the soul in recent days where I have had doubt in my heart. I suppose I am writing this as much for me as for anyone else who may ever read it. I want to know why. I want to have answers for my future that just aren't available to me right now.
My family and my church have been entirely too gracious to me. My wife is an absolute superstar and I shutter to think what I would've done without her. My church and other friends have done everything within their power to make sure that we have been provided for and have brought delicious meals for my family to enjoy every single night since the accident. Much love has been demonstrated to me and to us. I am grateful but I am also human. I am striving to remember and place my faith in those words that God gave to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10: "Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Family, Church, Friends, this is hard and I am really asking for prayer on my behalf that I will rest in the strength of an almighty God.
Over the years in ministry, I have learned and have been told that as a pastor, I must guard against showing vulnerability. That I must always practice what I preach. That I simply cannot demonstrate weakness. I understand and even agree with this concept to a certain degree. However, I also have come to realize, perhaps the hard way, that I must not rely on myself entirely. I must show that where I am weak, He is strong. So prayer warriors, I am pleading with you to lift me up to the throne room if and when you think of me. It appears that I may have a long road ahead and will need prayer and faith to sustain me.
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